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Some poetic flow...

Jul. 3rd, 2010 | 01:28 am

The night

Oh, what a dark and seamless night it is
it trickles and lingers like a wound in water
there but numbed, stinging yet mellow

what words can be found to explain the mystery it brings?
The hollowness it breeds
or the fear that it provides?

Who can tell when it will end?
When it will slumber and...
when it might forget...

that's it's holding you prisoner
bound you you at the neck
trapped you in whirl of regret

Time is it's accomplice
they- together- elicit this crime
they – together- bind and gag...
then wait for you to breath

who are you to try and fight it
who are you to cry to be free?

Oh, Night

before it ends I start to question
the demons in the night that I just can't mention
The one's that torched and burnt my mind
The one's that cast a shadow inside...

Oh, The night
will it ever end.....

To sea

The sea is said to be wild and unforgiving
raging in it's it's terror
vastly in it's tremors
ever changing yet ever the same

it's boundless and merciless
an enemy yet a friend
It's tumultuous and tragic
it's a story that never ends...

The sea...

To watch it is to be amazed
To stare is to be afraid
To touch it it to be daring
to actually feel it ..transcending

I step on the sand and make my way
but courage and bravery won't seem to stay
they come and go like the staccato tide
they mirror the doubt looming in my mind

I edge closer to the edge and near to the beginning
I and try to imagine the impending feeling

To be free and fleeting as the wind above
To be roaring yet calming like the waves below
To be tossing and turning yet calm in my nature
To be a known yet enigmatic creature

Something that lives and longs to be
Something that encompasses yet exposes
Something that regrets nothing yet sounds a sigh of grief
For the way it was, is now and ever will be

The tides in my heart they long to be
as patient yet irrational as this ever changing sea....

I'm leaving one time
I'm not sure when
I've paced , gazed and wondered enough
My feet will seize to edge to the end
over my inhibitions and inadequacies I'm starting to bend

It feels so right...
So meant to be
To the place where ships sail
where the coast is unclear
To be trapped, unleashed yet wondering free
It's right now more that ever
I'm going
To sea

Judgment is never reserved... it's just mainly in your thoughts! 1can NEVER B POLITICALLY CORRECT

Sep. 26th, 2007 | 07:57 pm
location: Ekhaya
mood: curious curious
music: Random tracks

Wow. firstly I haven't been on this thing in ages... 

well it' s probably cos no one ever reads the waffling that we bother ourselves with on this site! But amidst all the raging odds against the prosperity of yet another article written by yours truly... well... I'll just try again!

Today was a particularly inspiring day for a yungeon such as myself! I found myself in mutiple intriguing and almost mortifying predicaments! I am not actually sure how to relay my unbelievable experiences today... not sure at all.
oh well.

For the sake of clarity I have to date back to when all this madness started! mmhn.mhhnm( clear throat).
Monday afternoon Gillian took it upon herself to go and see some reations which she had not seen in months! to my suprise my godmother had changed considerably! It turns out she had had one of those cosmetic alterations done to her face! i found myself shocked beyond repair! Scanning her visage over and over again I found myself harboring all sort of doubts and questions in my mind! Her face was bruised and swollen! I could swear a certain someone had inflicted a certain amount of force and caused a certain amount of damage ! All this ,was way before I was convinced over and over again that contrary to the proof before me and all the obvous scarring... she had not been beaten! hahahahahaha. 

Anyway, back to today. It was after I had shown immense interest in what had appearantly taken place with her face that she decidied to take me along on one of her cosmetic " bruising" sessions.That's when THE adventure began!

Driving through the highway on the way to the appointment my mind could only wonder what I would be exposed to on this enchanting day!

We arrived at the Melrose Aesthetic centre to an upmarket cosmetic surgeons rooms and out of the "shadows" emerged a the most intruiging character of my entry today - Dr Cohen!

He lead the lamb " my godmother" to the slaughter and she willingly so made her way to the butcher table.  There I was a infinately mesmerized by what was taking place in front of my very eyes! It's a prcedure they call lipolysis the healthy and safer alternative to liposuction!( well,  if you don't learn about this stuff at school or church you have to hear it from someone! ) .Anyway what eventually took place was an excrutiating chemical peel and a seemingly painful lipolysis treatment ( a sight to remember I tell you) amongst all of the pain and dripping blood, was casual conversation and  an interesting semi-debate.

What was definately the highlight of the day with Dr Cohen , was when I mentioned the phrase " The native show" when the good dr enquired about  a certain talk show by Carol Bouwer on SABC 2 at 8! What else could I say?? " The black show"??? I needed to be specific yet convey the right message! But instead I ended up being the source of  much debate about the fact that  so-called " upperclass" blacks label other less privelllaged blacks as " other" blacks, "natives" or seemingly inferior blacks...

The question ultimately posed was : would I mind being reffered to as " a native" by someone else, more specifically be a white person? Naturally I said no! Then the good dr  posed the  2nd question : Then, does that make you a hypocrit or a person who feels comfortable with their own race and culture?

I chose the latter. 

Ultimately, the point is society has become unbearably yet facinatingly confusing! You can hardly say the right thing nowadays. The old genration doesn't understand the youth's liberalism with everything including langauge and the youth is growing more and more indifferent to the binds or consequences which are linked to certain language! This is let alone the constant strife to look perfetct which cosmetic surgery  offers -  which was what I actually ended up there for!

By the way the good docter was a jew. That's what made the conversation even more enlightening. Food for thought.
This entry is just the beginning of a series I will never finish!

meaning : Busy living or busy dying... either way leave a good looking corpse
we are foolish to think that we haven't chosen the latter!

I just couldn resist

May. 4th, 2007 | 07:20 pm
location: @home
mood: contemplative contemplative
music: Still the news

Shattered dreams



The night is dark…

It’s unforgiving


Mind awake… body asleep…

Solace embedded in oblivion

Eyes weary tendons exhausted

The thoughts the dreams the ambitions caused it


Anxious but brave

Disappointed yet content

Thoughts of all the things I had meant

Meant to do

Meant to say

Meant to know

Meant to do in a different way


Apprehension stalks in the night

The very cause of all of my freight

It lingers in the room like a breath of air

Slowly diffusing into my mind


So from here on… I shall no longer sleep

The seeds of today’s apprehension are too rooted to reap

I’m not in control of my conscious and mind

Like a twirling pawn, I twirl and wind


What I do in the day is my heart at play

That-only- keeps the hopes and dreams at bay


I should have, could have, would have, been

The greatest that the world had ever seen

But apprehension pulled me aside

Told me my dreams were too reckless and wild

…said I was naïve and foolish… a stupid child

Success is an outfit that I’ll never wear



Date: 8 jan. 06

My comeback

May. 4th, 2007 | 07:13 pm
location: @home
music: The News

A hello and a goodbye are all that are to do

When further away from our childish innocence we grew

A memory and a video are all that we share

From those dubious delights that we now just can’t bare


Who switched on the lights and made us see

What He never wanted us to be

Startlingly awoken from our ignorance’s slumber

It’s those wise books and truth that made us dumber


Slothing the earth in our genuinely counterfeit delight

Ridicule and forgery are a common sight

Priding ourselves in who knows better

Words often lacking the resemblance of a lucid letter


Why did we sober up and give up that song

That song which made everything go wrong

The song of innocence and streakless laughter

Which lulled the woolen sheep away from the slaughter


I can’s imagine what’s inside or how it got this way

That you my foe I never heard say

That you love or hate or wish me death so

Instead I stood sure in what I didn’t know


Friends and foes we all have one thing in common

We’re fools of life and see nothing wrong in

That we never concede our mutual self-loathing

Strung in an unorthodox quartet

Intermingled in deceit and regret

So best when we forced to come face to face

We shield, hide and camouflage our hate

By giving a smile and a lucid wave

When actually it’s a cruel confrontation we crave


Friend you passed by and said a balmy hello

But it was your stab in the back that pierced like an arrow

The one that shot to me after that chilled goodbye

When I caught a glimpse of you’re disdainfully piercing eye

Vanity and jealousy come hand in hand

We wear them famously dignified blissfully as though they were a brand

Ignorance and pretence are where we live

But we should never forget what for that prestigious address we had to give


Som poetry

Mar. 26th, 2006 | 01:49 pm
mood: calm calm
music: India arie

By : GE$

The one who’ll collect pictures of all those times
The one who’ll fill life with memories and images
The one who never leaves the film behind
Whether it’s the family camera we’ve had for a million years
Or the one that I’ve had forever, forever embedded in my mind
The one…

The one who hid away those charms
The antiques, the precious and the worthless
The one who put a label on each picture and every album
The one…

The one who never let the dust gather on the surface
The one who collects the worthless
The one who caught the love that life threw away
The one that mended what was broken and unceremoniously
Thrown away

The one that called you up a million times
But each and every time…
The one that every time you opened the door
Or answered the phone lost all of her captive lines
The one who held on to every touch , every blink and every furtive fear
The one

The one that held on to what so many others let go
The one that always loved you but never let you know
The one that thinks of every moment
The one that made a moment of life last a lifetime

The one that they call foolish and naïve
The one that knows all too well
What it’s like to hold on to nothing

The one…
The one that held on to me or even you when no one else would…

The morning after-hehehehe

Mar. 25th, 2006 | 02:15 pm
mood: anxious anxious
music: beep- pcd

It’s always fun to hear stories about yourself from back wen you were a tot.---tear tear tear--- We grow so quickly….
Anyways...we are going to Witbank. Haven’t been there in a long tym. I am going to have another celebration with my Two best friends – Jenna and Latoya.wooohooo.
Then I’m gonna continue the celebration with my family ( gran , uncles and brother)yepeeeee / ziyabuya hehehe.N.B. I’m gonna take all the adults on a trip down memory lane………….titled through the years through the wire- Gillians life from birth to 15 years old !!!
Can’t w8.

Subject : My Fabulous 15

Mar. 25th, 2006 | 01:44 pm
mood: accomplished
music: som crazE rock music @ the internet cafe

On the 24 of March at 10/ 11 in the morning
I turned 15!!!! I am now officially half way to thirty!!!
Talk about old. Anyways I had a fantabulistic day at school.
I would like to thank the following people ;
----For all their wonderful gifts….You guys are awesome.

And the others( broke phi broke fraternity)

-Tina ( oh so eva apologetic but selfish), **Zama( thanx for the sms buyi/ prezi is coming som tym nxt year- if I’m lucky),Yolisa ( coincidentally forgets my present and birthday every year),Yetunde( sed she wud bring it on Monday aka decade later Monday, Linzila (For the easter eggs)and sharrifa ( for being around)

generally thanx 2 everyone for being such AWESOME people. Luv ya lots-GE$
Enough of that…….

What are my resolutions :
- To die a good looking corpse ( hahahaha)
- To be the most perfect Gillian Siwela ever
- To be the first female president of some huge organization or South Africa
- To be a grade 2/3 level violinist by the end of this year
- To get an honours blazer before I leave Crawford
- To be a better/ devoted Christian
- To be confirmed this year
- To live another day…. Or two… or threee hahahaha………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

English literary eassy - The whale caller /Topic 7

Mar. 23rd, 2006 | 09:18 am

The whale caller by Zakes Mda is anything but simple. What might at first seem to be a simplistic love triangle between man , drunk and whale to the nonchalant reader , quickly redefines itself to a more intricate story about more than just the triangle between man, whale and drunk. To the attentive reader the nuances between the basic triangular outline are explored and illuminated. Within the love triangle in the novel - other ideas such as; sadistic, agape love, hatred, jealousy, rejection, acceptance and death.

A shadow which haunts most even in real life and depicts the decisions and lives of most can be vaguely described as agape love. The love which is obsessive and consumes yet gives you the will to love. Zakes Mda outlines the way in which this particular kind of love can heal and destroy in the whale caller. His explanation of this love is illustrated through the destructive yet passionate love between the whale caller and Saluni as well as the healing, pure relationship between the whale caller and Sharisha his beloved “fish”.

Saluni - the love child. “Conceived on a windy day by a beautiful young woman who was involved in an illicit affair with an older married man .Much as the man professed his love for his young mistress, he would not leave his family for her.” In the beginning of the book Saluni- the town drunk- innocently strides into the whale caller’s life. At first her intentions are free of spite and vengeance; it’s only later in the book where Saluni’s childish ways evolve into bitterness and jealousy.

What could be the reason for Saluni’s change of heart…?
The sour taste of rejection. In the book her mother is rejected by her married lover, in other words Saluni is also rejected along with her mother by this very man. When she finally with the whale caller she is determined not to be rejected again .Hence the excessive reinforcement of her “I am a love child, man” status.

This idea of the consuming power of jealousy and bitterness which could lead to ultimate depression and death is illustrated through the relationship between Saluni’s young mother and adulterous father; which eventually consumes the faint-hearted mother and thus condemns her to a lonely death when she realizes that she is the other woman, the mistress and that he will never leave his wife for her.

The whale caller cannot be downsized to a mere triangular shape. It cannot be labeled as a story between man woman and fish. The whale caller is a book which depicts the shadows and nuances which lurk in every human relationship. In the whale caller Zakes Mda contextualizes the power of unreciprocated and unrequited love which can eventually kill a one.

The whale caller decides to leave Hermanus and find solace in his solitude and proceeds to wander the streets announcing “I am the Hermanus penitent.”
His sacred and unconditional love for Sharisha is the beginning hence the starting text in the book
“The sea is bleeding from the wounds of Sharisha” this love is not allowed, yet it’s represents everything which he holds dear. As opposed to Saluni who interrupts this picture and evokes the nature of selfish and conditional humanly love and life in the whale caller – which is the beginning of the transition towards the end.
He is rejected and accepted by Saluni the town drunk. They fulfill each other. But that’s not enough. Saluni needs The bored twins - the whale caller needs Sharisha.

It is the inability to compromise and the prevalence of jealousy and hatred that makes describes the whale caller. It is the reality in which we all live in that describes the whale caller. The fear of rejection and inadequacy as well as need to be accepted which we are all striving for that will ultimately lead us to self-destruction.

The whale caller is about coming full circle and having nothing to show for it
The whale caller is about life.

The growing pains - Strong women!!!

Mar. 22nd, 2006 | 03:14 pm

I know most of you probably can't relate to this but here it goes...

Ya know sometimes it feels as though men are more fragile than women. My most recent encounters with the male species have furthermore proved to me that men are afraid of women... and that they are more afraid of STRONG women.

For a gud chunk of my life I neva interacted with the opposite gender much, I just minded my own business and did away with life and all it's hassles. I lived by a simple rule - KISS - KEEP IT SIMPLE STUPID.It's now that the the light actually dorns on me that I was too much woman for them to handle.Even now most guys are intimidated by me.. not only B'coz of my physical strength or competitive drive- but also becos of my intelligence. This topic is quite popular bcos of the oppressive age which we com from.

But I must say, what PISSES OFF THE HELL OUT OF ME is mostly girlz but generally women who lower themselves down to a level of stupidity wen they get Bfriends or husbands. The women who resign themselves to living in their partners shadow or being the less important / don't contribute much to the familly income type!!!

Bloody bums.Even worse the PIGEON heads( always riding on other peoples riches ) and the CHICKEN heads ( ugly gold-diggers). . These heffers are the ones that give a bad name to women in general and black women in general!!!!

Bk to the subject- If ur man is unable to cope with ur intelligence and wants som1 stupid- don't BE STUPID stupid Keep it simple and tell him to shove his lame / ruggedy / broke ass brotha where it belongs.

I'll end with somthing that A-M-Y once told me :

All men are pigs especially when they are boys in disguise.!!

Mid-term break ????...!!! please!

Mar. 22nd, 2006 | 01:55 pm

And so we piled up loads and loads of huiswerk on Thursday blissfully thinkin that we wud catch it all during the LONG WEEKEN hmm hmmm( so much for that)

Instead r8 afta skul on thursday yes h/w did fly out the window. But thats not necc. a gud thing.!!!
Instead daddio sed com on kids lets go on holiday to the City of the SUN aka Sun City!!!!
So I found myself at sun city without a care in the world. Whilst back at the ranch... Maths and english essay were calling my name.Damn those teachers @ crawford anywayz 2 B continued.